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Star Wars according to a 3 year old


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it)

Scene from Empire Strikes Back

1980s Redux

The Big Boo over at Child of the 1980s has shared some disturbing news, which I had not yet realized.  It turns out that Madballs are making a comeback.  Their official website shows the full lineup, which is a reworking of the classic 80s Madballs.  They've even added a Madballs 'Sick Series' in which you squeeze the balls to watch brains or mucous or other goo come oozing out of the Madballs' heads.

Now, in theory, I'm in favour of this.  I believe in warping our childrens' minds with the same kinds of popular culture that we were warped with.  But there is a part of me that groans when more 80s nostalgia starts turning into 'nowstalgia'.  Look at all the reworkings, revisionings and rebootings of 80s films, sitcoms, cartoons and pop culture that keep coming out every year.  Can no one come up with anything new?

I understand what's going on here.  People like Tobey Maguire, raised (if not born) in the 1980s, are coming into their own now.  They suddenly have all kinds of money and Hollywood clout, and when Maguire decides he wants to make a live-action version of the anime series Robotech, there's no reason why he shouldn't.  On one level, it's homage.  On another level, it's just taking what someone else was creative enough to come up with, remarketing it for a new generation, and getting all the credit.

The question I can't overlook is this:  What does this say about our society?  Does this mean that North American art and culture reached its perfection in the 1980s, and that everything else is a pale imitation?  Or does it mean that in the 21st century, we're so creatively bankrupt that we're left raiding our own childhoods just so we can make movies, toys and TV?

Top Five Songs of the 1980s: 1981

From the Billboard Hot 100, here were the top five songs for 1981:

5. Rick Springfield / Jessie's Girl / from Working Class Dog


4. John Lennon / (Just Like) Starting Over / from Double Fantasy


3. Kenny Rogers / Lady

2. Diana Ross & Lionel Richie / Endless Love / from Why Do Fools Fall in Love

1. Kim Carnes / Bette Davis Eyes / from Mistaken Identity

Computer Critters 3 / Mr Belvedere / Prostars

Get organized, Dad! With a database management system! Use it to organize your tapes, recipes and flowers, but just try not to think about how a rabbit and a squirrel can give birth to a raccoon...


I should want to shake hands with Mr. Belvedere. I shouldn't want to grab a lock of his hair.
I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn't want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.
I should want to say hi to him nicely, I shouldn't want to keep him in a big jar in my basement... because... his breath would fog up the glass and I wouldn't be able to see him...


'Prostars. It's all about helping kids.' That, and the fact that we don't seem to have saved our money. Someone please help these struggling athletes! Watch their cartoon show!


Or, just buy their cereal!

Down here, it's our time.

It's our time down here.

That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.

Top Five Songs of the 1980s: 1980

From the Billboard Hot 100, here were the top five songs for 1980:

5. Captain & Tenille / Do That to Me One More Time / from Make Your Move

4. Michael Jackson / Rock with You / from Off the Wall


3. Olivia Newton-John / Magic / from Xanadu [Original Soundtrack]


2. Pink Floyd / Another Brick in the Wall / from Delicate Sound of Thunder


1. Blondie / Call Me / from American Gigolo [Original Soundtrack]

Raised in the 80s Trivia Quiz 1 Answers

1. What was the name of Uncle Jesse's band on Full House?
   Jesse and the Rippers [Yeah, they were badasses.]
   
2. What was the band Europe's biggest hit in the US?
   The Final Countdown [Which is currently my ringtone.]
   
3. What did Frankie say?
   Relax [Just check the T-shirt.]
   
4. What's the name of Cap'n Crunch's ship?
   S.S. Guppy [The original Cap'n lapsed into a diabetic coma in 1994, leading to the swift promotion of Commander Crunch to fill his place. You can tell by the different eyebrows.]
   
5. What 1984 film was the first to be rated PG-13?
   Red Dawn. [The Soviet Union and its Central American allies invade the US! Chilling.]
   
6. Before 'Straight Up' or American Idol, what basketball team was Paula Abdul a cheerleader for?
   The LA Lakers
   
7. In what year was the Koosh ball first released?
   1987 [The Koosh was so named because that's the noise it made when it landed]
   
8. What was the name of Mr. T's character in Rocky III?
   Clubber Lang [It was also from this film that the phrase 'I pity the fool' comes.]
   
9. Who is the villain in the 1986 film ¡Three Amigos!?
   El Guapo [played by Alfonso Arau]
   
10. What animal has the scientific name Artema Nyos?
    Sea monkeys [also the only animal to be patented!]
    
11. What game's name is derived from the Swahili word for 'to build'?
    Jenga [J-J-J-Jenga!]
    
12. What was B.A. Baracus's main fear?
    Flying
    
13. What fruit is the bonus on the first level of Pac-Man?
    Cherries [Then strawberry, orange, bell, apple, grapes, and some other stuff I could never identify]
    
14. Who 'built this city on rock 'n' roll'?
    Starship
    
15. Which Bruce Springsteen video did Courtney Cox appear in?
    Dancing in the Dark
    

Raised in the 80s Trivia Quiz 1

How well do you remember the 80s? How much of this sounds familiar? How many of these questions can you answer without Google or Wikipedia? Answers in three days...

1. What was the name of Uncle Jesse's band on Full House?
2. What was the band Europe's biggest hit in the US?
3. What did Frankie say?
4. What's the name of Cap'n Crunch's ship?
5. What 1984 film was the first to be rated PG-13?
6. Before 'Straight Up' or American Idol, what basketball team was Paula Abdul a cheerleader for?
7. In what year was the Koosh ball first released?
8. What was the name of Mr. T's character in Rocky III?
9. Who is the villain in the 1986 film The Three Amigos?
10. What animal has the scientific name Artema Nyos?
11. What game's name is derived from the Swahili word for 'to build'?
12. What was B.A. Baracus's main fear?
13. What fruit is the bonus on the first level of Pac-Man?
14. Who 'built this city on rock 'n' roll'?
15. Which Bruce Springsteen video did Courtney Cox appear in?

The Rise and Fall (and Return) of the Blue Smartie

[As an editorial note: Different candies go by different names. To the US readers: I'm not talking about what you call Smarties -- those sugary pill-shaped candies in a plastic roll. In Canada, those are called Rockets. To the UK readers: Our Smarties are pretty much the same as yours -- originally made by Rowntree, now Nestle, but to the best of my knowledge, our light brown Smarties were never coffee-flavoured, nor were the orange ones orangey.]

Something has been troubling me for a while. If you grew up eating Smarties in Canada, you probably remember the 'Do you eat the red ones last?' ad campaign. If you do, can you remember when blue smarties were first introduced? The ads showed kids using some kind of contraption to trap bits of the sky and turn them into blue smarties. They were advertised 'for a limited time only' since presumably there was only so much sky to go around.

But then disaster struck! Instead of running out of sky, Rowntree had to stop selling blue smarties because someone had stolen them all! And for a while there was a whole mystery promotion where you were supposed to examine clues (or whatever) and send in your guess as to which of the other colours of smarties was the criminal. I never did find out who it was from the official sources. However, someone once told me that it was the red one, who was used to getting all the attention, and was jealous. Once the crime was solved, the blue smarties were returned to the package, and the light brown ones were removed (presumably because they took the fall for the kidnapping and ransom attempt).

The thing that keeps bugging me is this: how can they keep making blue smarties? Did they manage to clear up that 'only enough sky for a limited time' problem? And was that why we had that problem with the hole in the ozone layer in the 90s? We like to blame the oil companies and the nuclear power plants for wrecking the planet, but I think we know the truth. It was the candy companies all along! Who knows what other fiendish schemes they pulled off?