Scary Train Rides Again

Every so often, the Scary Train comes out at our house. If you didn't see the original post, let me show you what the commercials promised this thing would sound like:



And here's what ours sounds like:



Just to see the reaction, we took out Scary Train this morning and tried it out. My daughter was not as impressed as the kids in the video. The last time, when I recorded the Scary Train video clips, she was content to sit and play in the other room. Her reaction this time? 'No! No! No! Don't like it!'

Looks like it's going back on the shelf for a while...

The Glory of the Vachon Cake Part 1 - The Jos Louis

Back in the day, school lunches were pretty simple. In those days, no one was allergic to anything. Or, if they were, their parents told them not to trade their lunches for something they were allergic to. As far as I ever knew, no foods were banned from the school because of someone else's allergies. So most school lunches consisted of peanut butter sandwiches. There may have been other sandwich fillings on the go, but for at least the first nine years of school, I had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch for at least four out of five days. You could count on it. Most other people had the exact same sandwich. Only difference might be whether they had crusts and/or jam with theirs.

The variety came with the lunch additions. You looked to compare juice boxes. If you were lucky, you got a fancy-pants milkshake drink box. If you were really lucky, you got one of those candy bar milkshakes in a little plastic bottle. (Yogurt drinks are something for another discussion). You also had some kind of a recess snack. Various fruit snacks, fruit roll-ups and the like, or granola bars, which may or may not have ben covered in chocolate.

The real glory, though, was what you got for dessert. And the Vachon Cakes were among the best of the best. As a note for Americans and other aliens: Vachon Cakes are more or less equivalent to Twinkies or Ding Dongs or whatever those other disgusting-but-oh-so-tasty treats are. You know what I'm talking about: individually wrapped cakes with a lot of sugar and sticky sweet cream. Or perhaps it was creme.

The jewel of the Vachon crown was the Jos. Louis. At one point in university, a friend commented on how he hadn't had a Jos. Louis in years, and just the memory of it compelled me to go out and buy a box of them right then and there. Jos. Louis was two round chocoalte cakes, with creamy sweet white filling sandwiched between. Then the whole business was coated in chocolate. Very good eats.

The approved way to eat your Jos. Louis was thus: carefully work at splitting the two cake layers apart, as if you were splitting an Oreo. This took plenty more skill and patience, because unlike a hard cookie, the cake was likely to split and tear, leaving half the upper cake still stuck to your cream. In an ideal world, the two would come neatly apart, and you got to lick the cream off the bottom. If you had any sense, you'd eat the top half next. There's more chocolate on the bottom, and for some reason it tasted different. Eating the top half was a bit of an anti-climax after the bottom. I'm really not sure why.

From time to time, my parents would branch out and get us the other, very similar Vachon Cake: the May West. So far as I can tell, and as far as Wikipedia and the Vachon homepage can tell me, they were exactly the same, except that a May West has white cake instead of the chocolate cake of a Jos. Louis. I'm not sure, though. I think there was a different flavour to the filling, but I'd be hard put to tell you exactly how it tasted different. Does anyone else remember them?

And here's one last thing that I've noticed about the Jos. Louis. When I was nearing the end of my school days, they came out with a thing called the '1/2 Jos. Louis', which was half the size, but still covered in chocolate (not to be confused with the 1/2 (or Lune) Moon. Interestingly enough, today you can buy a box of six Jos. Louis for $3.39, or a box of 10 1/2 Jos. Louis for exactly the same $3.39! So you get much more snack for your buck buying the real thing, but if you go the 1/2 size, you get more of them, and you get to be a cheapskate while packing your kid's lunch. Why not make him share his juice box with his little brother while you're at it?!

The Onion: Michael Bay set to ruin 'Thundercats'

I'm a fan of The Onion, even though a lot of the time, the headlines are better than the full stories. This morning, though, I enjoyed two particularly funny stories. One was about the suppressed homoerotic urges of an NRA Annual Meeting. The other one tied in with an ongoing rant of mine that occasionally surfaces on Raised in the 80s.

Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal to F**k Up 'ThunderCats'

"I couldn't be more excited to completely f**k this up," said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. "ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground."

Hollywood insiders agreed that Bay—who has reportedly been closely involved in each of the 45 progressively worse rewrites of the script—was a natural choice to take a steaming dump on the popular ThunderCats property.

"Michael Bay has this innate sense of how to ruin a great story," Variety reporter Todd Brick said. "His ability to create astonishing plot holes, pepper dialogue with groan-inducing clichés, and abandon storylines halfway through is unparalleled. He was born to destroy this movie."

I just can't see why people can't leave the 80s alone! In fairness, this is satire, although there are plans to release a CGI feature-length version of ThunderCats next year. But maybe that's it--the best satire is what hits closest to home. Every time I hear that they're going to remake something out of my childhood, this is the kind of visceral reaction of pure dread that I have. It didn't even need to be a good show or movie: what mattered is that it was mine!

Next up: The Jonas Brothers set to star in '3n Wolf' (pronounced Threen Wolf') the third instalment in a decent premise increasingly ruined in the 80s, now slated to be completely wrecked in the 21st-century remake.

Muppets on Beta!

My parents were clearing out their basement, and finally decided to get rid of their old Betamax player. Do you remember Beta? Although it lost the market to VHS, it was actually a technically superior machine, with better recording and playback. If I remember correctly, the biggest trouble was that the faster tape speed meant that you couldn't record nearly as much on a single cassette tape. So even if it was better quality, people weren't as excited about it.
But not only did my parents' antiquated Beta VCR still work (after cleaning and drying out) but there were a few tapes still kicking around, including this one, with some favourite moments from the Muppet Show. Enjoy.

You probably remember all those clips, but here's something serious. Were you one of those folks whose parents got onto the wrong bandwagon when the time came to buy a VCR? Actually, to tell the truth, I'm not really sure which VCR was the wrong choice. Yes, in the course of time, VHS really did crush the Beta opposition, but who's buying VHS now? Way back in the day, Betamaxes actually had better video and audio quality. They just got beat out commercially by a better-marketed product that was all right, but technically inferior. Kind of like the way that HD-DVD was buried by Blu-Ray. Only thing is, with a bit of digging around, you might still find an HD-DVD player, while your Beta tapes are just going to moulder away in the basement. Or are they? This would have been a great way to recover those lost 80s TV shows that you taped, if only HD-DVD had survived...


Sorry to follow up on the Betamax line of thought even further. In a particularly candid moment, US president Barack Obama drew parallels between current economic woes and the 1980s mentality that led to the VHS ascendancy. Obama pointed out that 'sometimes, the answer isn't always "Bigger is better" [referring to the larger VHS tape format]. The only way to be sure is to weigh all the alternatives.'

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Long Sought-after Sesame Street clips

These were two of my favourite Sesame Street bits when I was a kid. It's not necessarily because they were the best, or the funniest, but because I only ever got to see them two or three times when I was little. In fact, I'm sure that part of the reason I watched Sesame Street as long as I did was because of the hope of seeing these again. Of course, now with YouTube, you can see just about anything you'd ever want to see from your childhood, but in case you haven't thought to look these up yet, here they are! Do you remember them? Does this make you as excited as it does me?

Extended Pinball Routine

The pinball routine was one of my favourite bits of Sesame Street. It's got a great little song, and when I was really little, I had no idea what pinball was, only just that there were some pretty funny bits on Sesame Street with a shiny ball. And while the pinball segments were great, I always kept watching for this one. Normally, the first three bits were always the same, and there was one distinct segment for the number of the day, with a zoo theme, or American landmarks, or whatever. But sometimes you'd get the extended play, when it would just keep going. Rather than rolling off into the distance as the blimp sailed by at the bottom of the screen, the pinball would drop into another distinctive segment. This was nothing short of awesome! I know that as a kid, I remembered that the witch's cave featured in this one, but I couldn't quite figure why the action didn't continue every time the ball went into the witches cave.

Jazzy Spies #8

The first time I saw this, I was blown away! Ernie and Bert had been watching the same thing I was! Years later, I never remembered that it was the I 8 the sandbox routine that followed up on this, so every time the 'Jazzy Spies' came on, I'd sit up excitedly, hoping to catch Bert and Ernie watching at the end. Technically, the name for these segments are 'Jazz 8' (or 9 or 10 or whatever) but they're popularly known as 'Jazzy Spies' because of the secret-agent guys at the end. And yes, that is Jefferson Airplane's Grace Slick singing!

The Envelope Please... (Best Film)

And here are your winners!

1980 Winner: Ordinary People
1981 Winner: Chariots of Fire
1982 Winner: Gandhi
1983 Winner: Terms of Endearment
1984 Winner: Amadeus
1985 Winner: Out of Africa
1986 Winner: Platoon
1987 Winner: The Last Emperor
1988 Winner: Rain Man
1989 Winner: Driving Miss Daisy

And for a special Oscar Week treat, a montage of all your 80s Best Pictures:

Final Oscar Week Roundup: Best Picture

What do you know about these films? What do you remember? The following films were nominated for Best Supporting Actress in the 1980s. Can you remember who actually won?
Check back first thing tomorrow morning for the winners.

1980 Nominees:

• Coal Miner's Daughter
• The Elephant Man
• Ordinary People
• Raging Bull
• Tess

1981 Nominees:

• Atlantic City
• Chariots of Fire
• On Golden Pond
• Raiders of the Lost Ark
• Reds

1982 Nominees:

• E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
• Gandhi
• Missing
• Tootsie
• The Verdict

1983 Nominees:

• The Big Chill
• The Dresser
• The Right Stuff
• Tender Mercies
• Terms of Endearment

1984 Nominees:

• Amadeus
• The Killing Fields
• A Passage to India
• Places in the Heart
• A Soldier's Story

1985 Nominees:

• The Color Purple
• Kiss of the Spider Woman
• Out of Africa
• Prizzi's Honor
• Witness

1986 Nominees:

• Children of a Lesser God
• Hannah and Her Sisters
• The Mission
• Platoon
• A Room with a View

1987 Nominees:

• Broadcast News
• Fatal Attraction
• Hope and Glory
• The Last Emperor
• Moonstruck

1988 Nominees:

• The Accidental Tourist
• Dangerous Liaisons
• Mississippi Burning
• Rain Man
• Working Girl

1989 Nominees:

• Born on the Fourth of July
• Dead Poets Society
• Driving Miss Daisy
• Field of Dreams
• My Left Foot

The Envelope Please... (Best Actor)

And here are your winners!

1980 Winner: Robert De Niro as Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull
1981 Winner: Henry Fonda as Norman Thayer in On Golden Pond
1982 Winner: Ben Kingsley as Mahatma Gandhi in Gandhi
1983 Winner: Robert Duvall as Mac Sledge in Tender Mercies
1984 Winner: F. Murray Abraham as Antonio Salieri in Amadeus
1985 Winner: William Hurt as Luis Molina in Kiss of the Spider Woman
1986 Winner: Paul Newman as Fast Eddie Felson in The Color of Money
1987 Winner: Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street
1988 Winner: Dustin Hoffman as Raymond Babbitt in Rain Man
1989 Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis as Christy Brown in My Left Foot

Oscar Week Continues: Best Actor

What do you know about these films? What do you remember? The following actors were nominated for Best Supporting Actor in the 1980s. Can you remember who actually won?
Check back first thing tomorrow morning for the winners.

1980 Nominees:

• Robert De Niro as Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull
• Robert Duvall as Lieutenant Colonel Bull Meechum in The Great Santini
• John Hurt as John Merrick in The Elephant Man
• Jack Lemmon as Scottie Templeton in Tribute
• Peter O'Toole as Eli Cross in The Stunt Man

1981 Nominees:

• Warren Beatty as John Reed in Reds
• Henry Fonda as Norman Thayer in On Golden Pond
• Burt Lancaster as Lou Pascal in Atlantic City
• Dudley Moore as Arthur Bach in Arthur
• Paul Newman as Michael Colin Gallagher in Absence of Malice

1982 Nominees:

• Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey / Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie
• Ben Kingsley as Mahatma Gandhi in Gandhi
• Jack Lemmon as Ed Horman in Missing
• Paul Newman as Frank Galvin in The Verdict
• Peter O'Toole as Alan Swann in My Favorite Year

1983 Nominees:

• Michael Caine as Dr. Frank Bryant in Educating Rita
• Tom Conti as Gowan McGland in Reuben, Reuben
• Tom Courtenay as Norman in The Dresser
• Robert Duvall as Mac Sledge in Tender Mercies
• Albert Finney as Sir in The Dresser

1984 Nominees:

• F. Murray Abraham as Antonio Salieri in Amadeus
• Jeff Bridges as Starman in Starman
• Albert Finney as Geoffrey Firmin in Under the Volcano
• Tom Hulce as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in Amadeus
• Sam Waterston as Sydney Schanberg in The Killing Fields

1985 Nominees:

• Harrison Ford as Det. Capt. John Book in Witness
• James Garner as Murphy Jones in Murphy's Romance
• William Hurt as Luis Molina in Kiss of the Spider Woman
• Jack Nicholson as Charley Partanna in Prizzi's Honor
• John Voight as Oscar 'Manny' Manheim in Runaway Train

1986 Nominees:

• Dexter Gordon as Dale Turner in 'Round Midnight
• Bob Hoskins as George in Mona Lisa
• William Hurt as James Leeds in Children of a Lesser God
• Paul Newman as Fast Eddie Felson in The Color of Money
• James Woods as Richard Boyle in Salvador

1987 Nominees:

• Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street
• William Hurt as Tom Grunick in Broadcast News
• Marcello Mastroianni as Romano in Dark Eyes
• Jack Nicholson as Francis Phelan in Ironweed
• Robin Williams as Adrian Cronauer in Good Morning, Vietnam

1988 Nominees:

• Gene Hackman as Agent Rupert Anderson in Mississippi Burning
• Dustin Hoffman as Raymond Babbitt in Rain Man
• Tom Hanks as Josh Baskin in Big
• Edward James Olmos as Jaime Escalante in Stand and Deliver
• Max von Sydow as Lassefar in Pelle the Conqueror

1989 Nominees:

• Kenneth Branagh as Henry V in Henry V
• Tom Cruise as Ron Kovic in Born on the Fourth of July
• Daniel Day-Lewis as Christy Brown in My Left Foot
• Morgan Freeman as Hoke Colburn in Driving Miss Daisy
• Robin Williams as John Keating in Dead Poets Society